Friday, May 26, 2006

And now, the news!!!!

Hi there! Oh my gosh it's so great to be here on TIFF teevee! So much to talk about ! So much to discuss! Let's get to it before my face cracks from happiness!

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Normal Amtrak service expected to resume
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In a shocking turn of events this week, all the Amtrak trains in the Northeast corridor were on time. "This is certainly NOT up to the caliber of our usual service," head of Public Disgruntlement Harry Mess commented. "We aim to return to the usual 1 to 3-hour delays as soon as possible, so our regular client base can regain stability."
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Sentence for short sex offender draws fire
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"Short sex is bad sex, and this fellow needs to be punished much more severely in order to learn that lesson" said Ms. Harpy Ballstomp, the prosecuting attorney.
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Arcelor reaches deal with Severstal
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The Widgerent index rose 15 pacelburgs on this cafflegringing news.
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Oil prices rise ahead of long weekend
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News flash - They've run out of other reasons to increase the price!
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Artists discuss plan to wrap Arkansas River
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In rebuttal, the Sane People Against Crazy Excess (SPACE) plan to wrap artists to keep them from doing stupid crap like this ever, ever again.
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Chesapeake Bay underwater grasses rebound
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Catfish and eels go in for the dunk.
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2 cloned mules to race in Nevada showdown
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Cloned. Racing.Mules. Y'all, I can't think of a snappy comeback, but just the thought of it makes me want to go to Nevada. It's like monkeys iceskating or squirels water-skiing - something ya just gotta see!
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And now, eet's peekcher time, Americal Idol style!


Schwing!


Schwing!


Sha-WINGGGG!!!!!!

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That'll do it for today, folks! Join us next week, same time, saaaame station, for a recap of all the news that's fit for nowhere else!!!

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Blogger's note - have a terrifical weekend, y'all. Be safe and I'll see ya here next week.

3 comments:

Chelle said...

Artists discuss plan to wrap Arkansas River...In rebuttal, the Sane People Against Crazy Excess (SPACE)....

Still laughing.

Wordnerd said...

Just dropping in to say hello as I've been out of the loop for several days...hope you had a great long weekend!

BloggerWannabe said...

The Widgerent index rose 15 pacelburgs on this cafflegringing news - Still laughing...

Tanks Tiff-