Friday, March 17, 2006

And now, the news

Because it's time I got my GRUVE back on, y'all!


Israel to Destroy Thousands of Turkeys
You know, maybe it's just me, but the first thing I think of when I think about Israel is NOT turkeys! Call me crazy! And, according to the story, it's not just thousands of turkeys, its more like TENS of thousands of turkeys! I would not have thought there was room over there for this many turkeys.

Hawaii Authorizes Emergency Dam Checks
Tens of thousands of girl sheep protest the sudden intrusion.

Turkey Smashes Window of Couple Viewing TV
Probably escaping from Israel

Experts Argue Over Ivory-Billed Woodpecker

"Woolsey, I swear that you are the most obstreperous neurosurgeon I've ever met!"
"Well, Smythewick, you are the most dashedly frustrating nuclear physicist I've ever had the displeasure to make the acquaintance of!"

"You're stubborn and addleheaded and have mash for brains!"
"You're an ignorant pollywog who can't tell a quark from a quasar!"
"Horse's ass!!" (strikes hand on table, barely missing the tail feathers of a large stuffed bird with a white beak)
"Pusillanimous twerp!" (pushes table over, sending large stuffed bird with white beak sailing through the air and into the coal hod)

"Now look what you've done you narrow minded prig! You've sullied the woodpecker! Clumsy nebbish!"
"Ignorant slut."

Astronomers Detect First Split-Second of the Universe
Oddly enough, it sounds like this - "oops!"

Republicans Happier than Democrats
Does this fall under the heading of "is this news"? Why yes, I think it does. And no, it's not.

Hot pepper kills prostate cancer cells in study
Just bend over, Mr. Jones, and we'll insert this new medicine right there, yes, that's it. Yes, Mr. Jones, it's all natural! Of course! Yes, yes, a slight burning is normal, I suppose, it's made of chili peppers, after all. What's that you say? It feels like your prostate is on fire? Why are you tearing up, Mr. Jones? You need an ice bucket? But this is all part of the therapy, sir, you'll just need to wait it out. What's that? Please, Mr. Jones, I can't hear you through all the blubbering, please speak up! You think WHAT? By mouth? Let me see what the bottle says......oh dear, I'm afraid you're right. My apologies sir. So very, very sorry.

Yep - that's how I envision this clinical study going.....

There you have it. My best efforts for this week's installation of TIFF teevee, where our mottoe is, and shall always be, "Lame humor is better than no humor at all."


kenju said...

You are so funny! If eating pepper could cure prostate husband would never get it to begin with. He peppers everything he eats!

tiff said...

kenju - mine too. It's their little cross to bear, compared with the huge one we ladies assume at adolescence. Fair's fair, I say.

Hey, did you ever try out the Piper? I realize I might have been talking about Duffy's in an earlier, perhaps-not-at-this-site exchange.