Thursday, February 16, 2006

A quick ponder

Part of this fascinates me, and another part of it horrifies me.

The fascination is from the "how very very COOOL" aspect of this idea - that music can be generated from system traffic on multiple servers and can then be used as "background noise" that will help system admins identify problems sooner than they might otherwise. I get a mental image of those "Dune" blobby-whale things the were in giant tanks and somehow created the spice through nothing but subliminal exertion and an addiction to double-stuffed Oreos (wait, that last part is me. Strike it). You know, these guys:

I mean, really, how COOL would it be to just hang out listening to music all day long, and have that be your actual JOB? Just hang out, and when the trombones miss a cue or the synthesizer isn't set to "tango" the way it always is a 4 p.m., then just spin in your estoplasmic gel pod and shoot a mind-beam of harmony at the bioprocessors and all's right with the world again.

But then, here's the part that horrifies me.

Because I can see conspiracy in an ant hill, here's my take on the actual USE of this information:

(Setting - Somewhere in a large cororpate headquarter-y oblong pod floating above a field in Kansas, a group of virtual executives gather to discuss the system's music lessons):

"CJ," says the disembodied head of the executive director of the low brass to the grainy upper torso of the systemwide orchestral/IT director, "I think the fourth-chair tuba is once again hogging bandwidth late at night, because he's at mezzoforte when he KNOWS lullabyes are always performed at pianissimo. I need you to look into this and cut his usage or my ass will be online at the next board meeting!"

"Certainly Mr Hornswaggle," says CJ, chagrined at not having noticed before that such egregious errors had been occuring without his notice," I'll get one of the tadpole brigade on it once he reabsorbs his legs - shouldn't take more than a day or so."

"Oh, and CJ," interrupts the redly glowing Oz-like cranium of the assistant director of violins,"I've been hearing one 1st-chair consistently skipping notes in the runs and trills. Please track this down and make sure that whoever this is is hitting all the marks and performing at the level expected of someone in their position."

"Yessir, Mr Pufferblast!" responds the belaguered orchestral/IT director.

Beecause, you KNOW it could happen.

Oh, they SAY that the system music is background and meant to be used as an overall flavoring for how well the system is running, but how long will it be before your IP address is attached to a part of an overall tone poem, and if you're conspicuously silent or too loud or not playing at the proper tempo well then maybe you'll be "let go for not being a team player"?

Don't look at me like that, it could happen.


Erica said...

I can't tell you how much I love your writing. Your references. Your fucked-up sense of humor!! (Sorry for any kiddies who might be reading.)

And the Dune thing? Would it be your dream job to mop up after that guy? Remember? And fully geeking, I have the soundtrack.

tiff said...

Erica - Hee! It's time to coin a new acronym - FUSH (for, f-ed up sense of humor). Hey, baby, I LUV your FUSH.
All I need to do is think "Sting in leather" and I'd clean up after almost ANYONE. Mmm.
Soundtrack? Wha?

kenju said...

Hmmmmm....the Music of the spheres. It is all too Big Brotherish for me. I like the math aspects of the electronically generated music though.

Thanks for the visit and comment. I do often order appetizers as my meal, but at lunch it is hard to do that.

kenju said...

Oh, I forgot to say if you live that close to Southern Season, you should go. It is a real experience.

Jess Riley said...

I just have to say, the world needs more people like you in it. That is all. :)

tiff said...

Ms. Riley - how frightening would THAT be? :>