Once again, they do NOT fail to amuse with their vague shadings of content, to which I've added my own special intellectual (yeah, right) interpretive dance movz.
Stock Prices Slip in Early Trading
It was dawn, and John Stock was examining a silky piece of lingerie at the bazaar, wondering if the stall tender would take 2 drachma and the jade idol he'd picked up in Bora Bora for it.
Report: NASA Inspector General Probed
Didn't say whether they hired "the grays" to do it.
Alaskans Battle Over Invasive Weed
I'm surprised they have the energy after eating all those Doritos.
MIT Scientists Tracking Fish With Sonar
Because apparently the smart guys have run out of useful things to do.
Ohio Conducts Rare Transplant Procedure
It takes a whole state to do this kind of work, y'all. Yeesh, where's the proofreader?
Simon Cowell to Search for Talent in Vegas
Good luck with that, buddy.
Extra bonus feature! I dare you to beat the sphere! This is PRIME grade-A time-wasting, right here!