Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Pain and agony and dogs (now)

Because, really, if an entry title isn't interesting, why have one at all?

Allow me to begin by saying that one thing one wants to avoid in life is pain. And agony. Well, that's 2, but I think of agony as pain's big sister, so they're related and therefore only one real thing.

Thus far in life I've been able to generally avoid pain and agony by not HURTING myself. Sadly, this streak seems to be coming to an end as I get older, and, by extension, less able to withstand injury from physical insult. Now, for all y'all younger than me (and that's MOST of you), these physical insults do not means things like falling off your mountain bike into a pile of sharp sticks and rocks while hurtling down an actual mountainside (did that at 25, hurt), or breaking your finger playing volleyball (did that at 20, also hurt), or dislocating your kneecap so that it twists all the way around to the back of your leg (did that at 17, passed out from the pain). Noooo, "physical insult" for us'ns over 40 can mean something like falling off one of your new clogs, or having just the eeeensy-weeensiest bit too much to drink, or, like today, getting out of bed the wrong way.

Yes, you heard it. I got out of bed the wrong way and now I'm staring both ugly sisters of discomfort right in the face. When I breathe it hurts, when I move it hurts, when I try to stand it hurts, when I lean over in my office chair "just so" it hurts, and walking is a laff riot because after I take 3 minutes to get up out of my chair I shuffle along very gingerly with my hips canted oddly and my shoulders skewed to counterbalance the hip thing and I can't swing my arms because that would hurt more. I look like a flippin' corporate zombie (braiiins!) with a slight sunburn and non-rotted clothing. I'm making zombie sounds just SITTING here (groaning, and not the good kind), and can't wait to experience taking care of 2 kids and 2 dogs tonight with the whole shuffling/groaning/spasming thing happening. Looks like a frozen pizza night, and that's just to put behind my BACK!

Ow. there's another sharp sting. Dammit.

So, that covers the pain and agony thing pretty nicely for now. Let's move on with the dog bit, shall we? Yes, I think so too. Here goes:

Backgrounding here - 2 dogs live at our house with us. One is an extraordinarily spastic Australian Shepherd and the other is a laid back hound-ish dude with a very deep voice. In the mornings, it's the kids' job to walk the doggies before we leave for school. This they do while I finish getting dressed and getting ready for work.

The story goes this way - The kids were out walking the dogs before school while I was finishing getting ready for work (because, see? I just told you that's what happens) and apparently there was a stray dog that was running around the neighborhood. Because our dogs are freaks of nature and can't control themselves around other dogs they think "wooo! New friend!! Let's go meet it!!! NOW!" and took off after him like a shot, the hound dragging the younger child (all 105 pounds of him) to the ground, and the other dog so frantic to get to the action that it slipped its "gentle leader" thingie.

I was not witness to the events, mind you; I was in the bathroom combing my hair and brushing my teeth (yes, at the same time) when I heard a horrendous commotion of "MAAAAAAAHHHHM! COME HERE!" in the kind of scream that makes you think someone has lost a limb or been squashed by a passing teenager-driven car with the glas-pac mufflers rumbling menacingly and the music blasting loudly, creating a cocoon of noise that would drown out a child's screams as they were drawn beneath the custom wheels..... I live across from a high school, I know these cars exist, and am slightly awed and frightened by them.

So, in response to the screaming and conniptions that were happening outside I run out the door, toothbrush in hand, and see the dogs tearing after this poor little black lab youngster (playing, but you know) in the high school parking lot, and I started shouting in my very best fishwife voice "Hey! Dogs! Get back here! Get back here right NOW!!!!" while the kids were crying and the teenagers on their way to school were wonderng just what on earth was happening across the street, and the campus security dude was driving over to where we were running to lend a hand in whatever excitement might right this minute be occurring. THINGS were happening! Excitment!

Luckily, there was a high school kid near the ass-tearing herd of canines, and the little black doggie raced under his (parked) car which meant that MY dogs followed it right up to the kid, and once I hoofed it over there I asked the teenage boy very nicely to please grab our dogs while the concerned campus security man helped out too. I'm sure they both complied so readily because, really, who would argue with a middle-aged lady with half-combed hair and no shoes who also happens to be wielding a toothbrush?


Bottom line = dogs went BACK inside after their romp, the kids and I beat a hasty path to the car to get them to school, and the heavens lay a golden path for us because we were NOT late, we BEAT the bell by a MINUTE and therefore they weren't TARDY after all, and I felt very good about it indeed.

It's the little things, really, that please me most.

1 comment:

Erica said...

GREAT post - I think my favorite moment was the entire description of the hapless child being run down by an oblivious teen. I fear that myself just in my neighborhood! You've pegged my every feeling on the possibility.

Oh, and the ass-tearing pack of canines. Brilliant. :-)